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Game Review: Flappy Bird

Or, in other words, why I don't want to live anymore

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Rating:
Platform: Android, iOS

The latest avian-themed gaming craze to hit mobile devices is the wonderfully maddening Flappy Bird. Like all the best mobile games, Flappy Bird is incredibly addictive, capturing that just-one-more-go mentality. Unlike other games, however, Flappy Bird is devoid of actual fun and is sadistic in the way it deceives you with its mockingly simple 8-bit setup. It's digital heroin, only existing to raise your blood pressure as your hopes of succeeding are inevitably crushed when the titular bird dies pathetically, again and again.

Prepare to have this screen burned into your retinas


I can understand the rise of mobile arcade games with pixellated graphics and retro sounds that are only really there to waste your time. But Flappy Bird is just evil. You have to navigate a vacuous-looking bird between tunnels (blatantly ripped out of a Mario game) by tapping the screen to flap the bird's wings, and your score increases by one for every pair of tunnels you pass. But the game is so incredibly difficult that on your first few goes you'll be lucky enough to even get a score of one.

It's a pretty unoriginal concept made worse by the fact that the game occasionally glitches, and the stupid bird dies for no reason. (I wouldn't put it past the creators to code in the odd invisible wall just for the laughs.) And because of the brightly-coloured, childish visuals, you'll feel like an idiot every time the Game Over screen pops up.

So why is Flappy Bird so insanely popular? The game only works because on the very odd occasion, the player will achieve a high score, then spend the next few hours trying to beat that high score and fail miserably, perhaps throwing their phone against a wall in the process. Most arcade games function to a similar effect, but the difference is Flappy Bird is infuriating. You'll want to wring that idiotic bird's neck within minutes of playing, then your own soon afterwards. No matter how much you play this game, you will never "win", and the small snippets of achievement as you break your high score will only be followed by sheer pain and infinite sadness.

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8 Comment

hiphoppooppopuponthehilltop Posted on Tuesday 22 Jan 2019

it is sooooooooo addictive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my high score is only 8 but i love the game!! and that revier above is so true!!! rating- 10000 out of 100000

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hiphoppooppopuponthehilltop Posted on Tuesday 22 Jan 2019

i meant review
nouse

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Whatupbro Posted on Tuesday 22 Jan 2019

I got 17 but my sis got 31

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Molly Sugden Posted on Tuesday 22 Jan 2019

I feel like you've just written this to undermine my high score, which is 123 if anyone was wondering. I believe when you get above 100 you reach a sort of god-like status and I won't be returning until a fellow colleague or family member beats my score. At the end of the day Mr. Wood, this game was free, and has consumed at least 2 hours of my time in the last 3 days. Simple or not, this game is sheer art.

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derpguy20001derpgiraffelol Posted on Tuesday 22 Jan 2019

Lol this game is the reason I no longer have a phone....... Uhh

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Roe Cray Posted on Tuesday 22 Jan 2019

Mans got to level 15, give me an add on fb if you fancy coming round to mine to flap my bird.

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T Posted on Tuesday 22 Jan 2019

Love this review!

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john Posted on Tuesday 22 Jan 2019

suck a dildo mann

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