They (them what discover things) have discovered a species of jellyfish that is effectively immortal. It never grows old, and if not actively killed, will continue living pretty much for ever as long as it has sustenance. Turritopsis Nutricula reverts to its larval stage every time it reproduces, becoming a child again, and eternally reliving its life cycle.
I say this partly because someone just told me and I thought it was interesting, partly because this week is YUSU elections week, and anything that isn't about the august and stately progress of the democratic process is in some sense refreshing, and partly because something about Student Union elections, like the reproductive cycle of Turritopsis Nutricula, regresses everyone back to their larval stage. See what I did there?
It is half past nine in the YUSU creche. Mummy and Daddy have just dropped the infant Charles Bushby off, and he's been put in the Presidential pen with Tom, Tim and little baby Grant. Today they are to be babysat by the beautiful Nurse Tomina Scott, in her fetching Pirate-themed dress.
Young Bushby first throws up on her, then attempts to take by force the little plastic budget that Langrish is playing with. Langrish bites him hard on the finger. Bushby howls.
Nurse Tomina Scott, wiping her skirt with a resigned sigh, picks up Bushby and comforts him by rocking him gently back and forth. Bushby energetically soils himself.
Baby Bradley, meanwhile, is trying to take his first steps. He almost makes a totter across the pen, but can't quite manage, and eventually contents himself with lying on his back waving his legs in the air and sucking on his dummy.
Returning from changing Bushby's nappy, Nurse Tomina Scott is suddenly filled with panic. There is a baby missing, and of course it's that little scamp Ngwena, who once again has escaped to an adjoining pen, where he is attempting to choreograph a New Orleans themed dance among a group of enthusiastic but confused three-year-olds.
Langrish has finished with the budget, and has given it to baby Bradley, who is holding it upside-down. Bushby has cleverly drafted his own on an etch-a-sketch, but Langrish has found the Lego and is building a model Hes East student venue to throw at Bushby. Bradley is sleeping soundly.
This is how elections would work if we were Turritopsis Nutricula. Much more democratic, as long as Bushby's nappy is changed regularly.
Tom Scott's Blackberry
As seen by Henry James Foy
Minister of Fun,
No open glasses on the seats! No open glasses on the seats! Speak slower Foy - can't quite write down every word you're saying! Hold it! Hold it! No open glasses on the seats! Back in 15 minutes! Back in 10! Oh sod it, come back whenever you like. But no open glasses on the seats! Gottit? Good. Funtimes. Derwent. Elections. Malarkey. In Langwith? How odd. Glasses... seats... slow... down... Must be more witty. Must...be...
POST-ITS! Oh where have you been all my life!
What are you playing at? First they get to lavishly slap their logo all over your publicity (you know full well that's our game), and then you let them put a sodding great banner in the background of all our pictures! And to think of all we do for campus! How else are students supposed to know that a member of the House of Lords gets to speak there, and that annual outdoor music-focused events actually take place every year?
Not happy. I hope our monopoly on grainy campus photos still stands,
Subject: Unasked Questions
Just wondering why my question "How do the candidates think they can win if they don't eat 5 pieces of fruit a day that they have bought from a fruit stall on campus that sells fresh fruit to students?" wasn't asked?
Not enough time or something? Hope you and Foy weren't being biased.
So I'm sorry about what I said at hustings. It was just for show. You see, I'm pretty screwed with this alternative-to-YUSU thing. Fancy giving me some tips? You're a dab hand at this 'elect the rank outsider' thing, and I'm struggling a bit. I'm willing to try anything. Cheers. C x